All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
