somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
