Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
