There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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