i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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