i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
