Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
