just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
