I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
