An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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