It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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