Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
