i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
