i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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