he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
