you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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