If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
