He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
