girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
