he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
