sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
