i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
