You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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