Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
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well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
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I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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