I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
