The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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