We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.