also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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