After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
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We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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