I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
is wine microwaveable?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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