I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Randomize
