Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
