And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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