went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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