I think i peed on brittanys purse
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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