those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
