it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
