I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
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