well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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