Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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