When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
