Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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