i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
