I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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