UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
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I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
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You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize