I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm just crazy horny about you
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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