Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
