And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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