I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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