I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
