My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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