Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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