Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
