He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
