Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
