Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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