I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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