So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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