what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
