How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
