it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
