I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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