I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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