Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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