yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she looked like the before picture.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
