Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
