Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Did we literally take a cab across the street
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
