morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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