Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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