sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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