why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
God I need to hump something, right now.
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