Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
