Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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