Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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