Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
