great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
