I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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