That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
