Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
