it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
