the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
