In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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